last 5 wrds:

"birthday "

My bday was AMAZING.

So love-filled I'm bursting.

I started my birthday festivities with lunch with my grandparents. Sometimes I try to give them the "Everything is perfect" face. But today I shared some fears and vulnerability. I felt very close to them. They are amazing people. They struggle with the aging process, but their efforts scream with dignity. Being in their presence was grounding.

In the afternoon, I started the journey towards cutting my hair. Of course, I'm planning on making it a LONG journey. So I cut of 6 inches and got some color put in.

Then a quick cleanup before my bday party began @ 7.

Good people flooded in. Fellow warriors who fight the good fight. People who inspire me and give me hope. People who make me laugh. People who hug me all the way through.

It was a perfect night.

I have been battling darkness. I was on the upswing as my special day began, but the party was exactly what I needed. A blinding reminder of the depth of joy possible.

Some evening highlights:

  • My first truly enjoyable spanking experience. Including a flogger and an assortment of hands. I got chills up my spine and was weak in the knees.

  • I got some wonderful cards, books, and original artwork. (TWO Shel Silverstein books)

  • I was caressed by love-filled instant messages, emails, and chat greetings.

  • A sexy fire-twirling dance performance by Orange Shonda.

  • Since everyone was outside and looking in the same direction, I was able to address a huge group of my special people at once. I was able to tell my loved ones how much they mean to me. And how important they are to the planet.

  • Just as my brother arrived, we made a massive "rolling group hug" with me in the center. (You make a large circle, then start to "roll up" in a spiral.) You eng up with a big spiral mass of bodies in a group hug. I'm not sure how this tradition started with my friends.

  • With the help of some friends, an incredible sexual fantasy was enacted at the end of the night. (I have this thing about being held down when I climax. Um…too much info? Sorry.)


I have been in a dark place lately.

And I know I will have more dark periods. But I hope I can remember how warm and full of love I feel right now. And if it takes enduring some darkness to be able to feel this light once in a while, well, then bring on the cycles of dark and light. This is the type of life I want.

The details will work out.

I just need to remember the important stuff is already perfect.

I have overflowing love in my life. Nothing else matters.


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