TheRealHouse is failing.
I should have known better. Why would anyone pay for a non-porn web site?
I just want to cry.
I feel self hate.
I feel self-pity.
I feel disgusted with myself.
In some ways, my success overwhelms me.
In some ways, my inability to succeed is crushing.
When I think of the things that get attention, they are almost always sexual.
First it was sex-themed stories on prehensile.
Then sexy beefcake photos on cockybastard.
HugNation is a much better idea than Globalgasm…but nobody gives a shit about the non-sexual one.
MTV and Leno cared about the sex.
CitizenX is overshadowed by sex.
It’s not that I don’t like sex. It’s probably the thing I think most about.
It’s just that I don’t know how to succeed without sex.
I could probably make more money masturbating in front of my webcam than I building a webcam community and hosting digital events like Virtual Grace or Hug Nation.
Is that a temporary thing?
Or just “The Way It Is”?
I’m falling fast and hard into a funk.
Maybe I just need to go to sleep. Maybe I need to do something much more drastic.
I feel the urge to drive to the mountains. To jump in the sea.
Get drunk in a bar.
Scream at a stranger.
Fuck with anger.
Get in a fight.
Tear my skin off.
Drive off a cliff.
Throw a brick through a window.
Give up.
I just want to cry.
note: this was how I felt at a specific moment in time. I feel much better.