last 5 wrds:

"anger "

TheRealHouse is failing.

I should have known better. Why would anyone pay for a non-porn web site?

I just want to cry.

I feel self hate.

I feel self-pity.

I feel disgusted with myself.

In some ways, my success overwhelms me.

In some ways, my inability to succeed is crushing.

When I think of the things that get attention, they are almost always sexual.

First it was sex-themed stories on prehensile.

Then sexy beefcake photos on cockybastard.

HugNation is a much better idea than GlobalgasmÖbut nobody gives a shit about the non-sexual one.

MTV and Leno cared about the sex.

CitizenX is overshadowed by sex.

Itís not that I donít like sex. Itís probably the thing I think most about.

Itís just that I donít know how to succeed without sex.

I could probably make more money masturbating in front of my webcam than I building a webcam community and hosting digital events like Virtual Grace or Hug Nation.

Is that a temporary thing?

Or just ďThe Way It IsĒ?

Iím falling fast and hard into a funk.

Maybe I just need to go to sleep. Maybe I need to do something much more drastic.

I feel the urge to drive to the mountains. To jump in the sea.

Get drunk in a bar.

Scream at a stranger.

Fuck with anger.

Get in a fight.

Tear my skin off.

Drive off a cliff.

Throw a brick through a window.

Give up.

I just want to cry.

note: this was how I felt at a specific moment in time. I feel much better.

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