I went dancing last night.
It took me a while to find the groove. The first hour I was there, I was moving to the music. But that’s much different that having the music *move you.*
Most people move to the music. It’s not nearly as fun.
When I can find the music’s vibration and get in sync with it, that’s when dancing becomes spiritual for me.
I know the patterns of dance music. I can feel the music building. I know when the music is going to cut out for a dramatic pause and when it will explode.
So even if I’ve never heard a song before, I can sense which 8 count will erupt into a new pounding bassline. My fists shoot into the air instinctively. It feels as if the music whips through my body. Sometimes I snap my neck so forcefully that I injure myself. Same with my shoulders as I pump my arms in the air.
My physical body becomes secondary. It is simply a shell that the vibrations ripple through. When I start *feeling* the music, I stop steering my body and simply let in drift in the stream. The babbling of the cosmic brook becomes slamming electronica. The water swirling around me is the bobbing, sweating dancers that fill the club.
It is not a conscious activity at all.
Sex works the same way.
If you are consciously steering your body -- Licking and kissing according to a game plan or some technique you learned from Maxim magazine -- it will never be as intense as if you let the energy move you.
Too technical. Too calculated.
It is still pleasurable, but it lacks the spiritual aspect. It lacks the “falling into something” feeling that is possible when you let go.
React to a touch…move towards something that feels good…stop speaking and start moaning…let go. Let the sexual energy move you like music.
One reason why one night stands are never as good as established relationship sex is because the required trust is rarely there after a single night. You must completely let go of the fear of looking stupid in order to fall into the experience. Because when you stop steering, you never know what may happen…it will be intense, but it may not be pretty.
I like to say that “The goal of a sexual relationship is to be cool with your partner shitting the bed.”
You probably *won’t* shit the bed. But you have to know that it would be ok IF it happened. A sexual partner is so much more than someone who helps you reach orgasm. It is a PARTNER. It is someone who holds the rope as you go spelunking in the unknown depths of your self.
I need to know that whatever happens in the bedroom is acceptable. Truly letting go means being open to all sorts of consequences.
If I start screaming “You slut!” or some other non-PC talk, I have to know that it is isn’t going to be taken for more than a sexual expression leaking from subconscious: Something that crept from the dark corners of my sexual psyche.
If you are trying to control what you say or do during sex, you are doing the same thing as moving to the music…instead of having the music move you.
Of course, there are risks. I sometimes hurt my neck during sex, as well.