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Generations

"landslide "

Soundtrack – “Landslide” – Smashing Pumpkins (cover of Stevie Nicks)

Just had lunch with MissM.

Our first conversation since breaking up.

Beforehand I wondered what would happen. Would there be hugs or yelling? Closure or attacks?

It was wonderful to see her. We took care of business. We caught up. We laughed. And I cried.

I miss her.

I miss a life with her.

I miss coffee in the morning.

I miss working on the computer as she slept.

I miss crawling into bed next to her and intertwining with her perfect sleeping form.

She told me, even as a friend, she thinks I could do more. Be more.

And I realize, that I may be a better person with her.

This last month without her has been floating. A lazy drift below my potential.

A transition phase? Or a look at my shortcomings?

I’m scared of what I will never become.

Was I scared of where she was helping me go?

Who she was helping me become.

Am I where I am because of Love? Or Fear?

I am too close to the transition to see clearly.

During MTV’s follow up interview, they asked questions about the breakup. They reminded me of the depth of bliss MissM and I had a year ago. It was hard to go there. What do you say? Yes, I was supremely happy. I was so enveloped in love and warmth, I felt I could change the world with an embrace.

What do you say?

Things change.

It doesn’t make the experience any less.

When a person dies, is their legacy erased?

When a relationship dies, is the legacy of their love erased?

But I wonder what else I am leaving in the past.

And if I am moving forward, or running away.

I still love her.

Someday I hope to have her as an ally again.

But there is too much now.

Time heals.

 


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