My Dad used to joke that my flashy attire was to make up for a lack of personality. I think there is truth in that statement. I have a need to *not* be normal.
When I was a child, I was abruptly sent to a school for little smart kids. It was traumatic.
One day I was the star of my 5th grade class, the next I was in a classroom full of geniuses. One of the Math groups was working out the mathematical properties of the Rubic’s Cube. I was outclassed and intimidated. I certainly wasn’t a star pupil. At best, I was normal.
It was so disturbing to me that I became suicidal. I went into therapy. Eventually, I returned to my old school. I guess my parents and therapist decided that it was more important to stop the suicidal tendencies than it was to overcome my fear of normalcy.
Years later, this same personality trait manifest itself in the form of the “Halcyon” side of my persona -- The flamboyant guy in fur, feeding off the limelight like some sort of mutant human photosynthesis.
Every flashy outfit, every nude photo uploaded…it’s all a symptom of my fear of normalcy.
Of course, wanting to be exceptional isn’t entirely bad. They key, I think, is figuring out a balance.