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Generations

"whine "

Recent comments about my site being ďsadĒ and that it ďsucks nowĒ kinda messed with my mood. I try to focus on pleasing myself, and not worrying about what other people think. But itís hard.

Entertaining, enriching, touching other people is one of my greatest joys. I love it when I get an email from a person after theyíve read something.

Itís a great feeling.

And I canít pretend I donít get bummed by the less-than-positive remarks, too.

On an emotional level, itís hard to hear, ďYou *used* to inspire me.Ē While I appreciate the feedback (When the tone isnít spiteful), itís still hard to feel less-liked.

Being less affected by external opinions is something Iím working on.

I used to get mail each week after a new Tale went up. It was a rush.

Then the emails slowed to a trickle.

Maybe I wasnít being funny. Maybe nobody was reading. Iíve never been good at watching my traffic stats.

Around the first of the year, I stopped writing weekly Tales on Prehensile.com. Only two people emailed after noticing.

Iím still writing. But not publishing it all online.

Iíve also spent lots of energy on other digital diversions:

CitizenX.com, TheRealHouse.com, Globalgasm.com.

Iíve also been trying to explore other mediums with my 91X web spots, RealHouseTV.com, my radio show on IMG2.com, and the San Diego correspondent for Canadian TV show, TalkTV

And I still try to share a new wrds and some photos occasionally.

But I definitely get less feedback than I used to.

Perhaps I used to be more insightful. .

Maybe Iíve been scared.

Maybe Iíve just been lazy.

Maybe being madly in love of a woman has distracted me. Maybe I share more with her, and less with the webÖlike some sort of dysfunctional digital polygamy.

Or maybe the things Iíve been exploring lately (webcam technology and digital intimacy) are simply not interesting to people.

Regardless of external feedback, I need to stay true to my self. And remind myself that while the external strokes may feel good, they must be balanced by a steady supply of self-love. Otherwise the self-esteem leaves when the compliments do.


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