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"fielder "



I'm scared.

So much can go wrong.



Last night I had a vivid recollection of a little league memory.

I was wearing my too-big orange cap somewhere in the infield…. 2nd base, I think. I was staring at the batter and repeating over and over in my head, "...please don't hit it to me, please don't hit it to me, please don't hit it to me..."



I always hated team sports.

I hated people depending on me.

I hated knowing that if I failed, I not only failed for me, but I hurt other people, too. I remember being mad at that kid who dropped the ball.

I was terrified of being the kid who dropped the ball.

"…please don't hit it to me, please don't hit it to me, please don't hit it to me…"

I suppose a better attitude would be, "I can't wait to make a good play!"

But I didn't have the mindset. I was scared.



I'm scared now.



I think I still am terrified of being the kid who dropped the ball.



October 12, 2000

 


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